Image
Finding Connection in a Fragmented World

Finding Connection at Duke: Addressing Workplace Loneliness

Workers across the globe have signaled loneliness as a significant issue in happiness and satisfaction

Finding Connection at Duke: Addressing Workplace Loneliness

How employees at Duke are tackling a national concern of social isolation and fostering meaningful connections

During the height of the COVID pandemic, Jeff Hawley learned precisely how difficult it was to get work done in his small home with three kids and a wife also working remotely next to him. Schedules conflicted, and it was chaotic.

When his Duke office in Erwin Square Plaza opened again in 2021, he quickly returned. Many others did not. The difference, he said, was noticeable.

Hawley, a Senior IT Analyst, sees that in all the ways that his office is emptier and quieter than it was when he started at Duke 13 years ago.

Meetings are on Zoom, where he can be easily distracted by internet tabs. Less time is spent in casual or impromptu conversations in his office hallway or on bus rides across campus. Previously, he got “a lot of work done in the margins,” he said, through unplanned chats with colleagues.

He loves that there is now flexibility for remote work, but the new reality has been an adjustment for him.

“I feel like everything’s really transactional nowadays,” Hawley said. “That sort of sporadic, unplanned stuff I feel like is gone and it's probably just not coming back.

“You hate to think about somebody sitting out there struggling, all alone, that wants that interaction.”

Finding Connection at Duke: Addressing Workplace Loneliness

Workers across the globe have signaled loneliness as a significant issue in happiness and satisfaction

One in five employees globally report experiencing significant loneliness at work according to a 2024 Gallup poll. A recent Harvard Business Review study, which reveals that feelings of loneliness affect not only remote workers but also those in hybrid or in-person roles, highlights common myths, including: Loneliness can be solved with in-person work and loneliness is a personal problem, not an organizational problem.

In 2023, U.S. Surgeon General Vivek H. Murthy called loneliness an “epidemic,” and said the physical effects of loneliness and social isolation can be the same as smoking up to 15 cigarettes a day. He visited Duke in 2023 to discuss the public health issue and how, as he wrote, “the harmful consequences of a society that lacks social connection can be felt in our schools, workplaces, and civic organizations, where performance, productivity and engagement are diminished.”

“Social connection — the structure, function, and quality of our relationships with others — is a critical and underappreciated contributor to individual and population health, community safety, resilience and prosperity,” Murthy wrote in “Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.”

At Duke, 27% of employees who responded to a recent survey about work location preferences said that social isolation was among the challenges of working remotely, ranking it behind setting work-life boundaries. While loneliness might be exacerbated at times by the isolation of more prevalent remote and hybrid work, it also can come after significant life events such as the death of a spouse, moving for a new job or losing friends.

Lessening loneliness is more complex than simply being among others. It’s important to create meaningful connections and purposeful engagement, according to experts on the topic.

Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy addressed community health issues in a conversation in October 2023 with Duke’s Jon Scheyer and Kate Bowler. Photo by Jared Lazarus, University Communications

“Part of loneliness is not necessarily that you feel alone, it's that you feel disconnected and unengaged,” said Katherine Ramos, a Duke Associate Professor in Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences. “You can be going to every potential departmental activity and be in a room with so many other colleagues, but you still feel lonely. It's not really about the quantity, but it's the quality and the meaning that you're deriving from your work.”

That’s why finding and creating social connections and meaning at work on and off campus is more important than ever.


Left: Maggie Sandy, in gray T-shirt, and her husband, Carlo Ballesteros, to her right, became close friends with Adam and Taylor Hoxie at Wake Forest. Right: Maggie Sandy, center in standing in green T-shirt, felt invigorated when the Hoxies and other friends visited for her birthday in August 2024. Photos courtesy of Maggie Sandy

The Loneliness of Life Changes

Even before COVID changed the dynamics of work and social interaction, Debra Loban noticed a trend among clients in her work as a counselor at Duke’s Personal Assistance Service (PAS): More and more people reported feeling disconnected and lonely.

One reason, Loban theorizes, is that Duke attracts people from around the world. Staff, faculty and students often uproot their lives to move to Durham.

“They're leaving their foundation, leaving their community, and trying to build that here,” she said.

Many think it will take about six months to find friends and a sense of belonging in a new location. It usually takes 18 months to two years, Loban said.

“In the same way that it takes a tree years to root itself firmly, you've uprooted yourself,” she said. “Think about this whole idea of, ‘I'm firmly trying to root myself’ – that's not going to be a quick process.”

Maggie Sandy moved to the Triangle area in February 2023 when she started her role as Assistant Director of Marketing and Communications in Alumni, Engagement and Development. The move was a welcome one that brought her closer to two of her dearest Wake Forest University friends, Adam and Taylor Hoxie.

The tough part came when those friends moved away in May 2024, she said.

“I could definitely feel that it was loneliness,” she said. “But I started to ‘unjustify’ the loneliness feeling, because I thought, ‘I'm doing it to myself.’ I remember feeling like I want to be alone, but I don't want to be alone, which is the craziest thing.”

Sandy said it affected her mood at work, where her supervisor encouraged her to be kinder to herself, but she still needed to take personal days. The Surgeon General report said stress-related absenteeism attributed to loneliness costs U.S. employers an estimated $154 billion annually.

Only when Sandy’s friends came to visit for her birthday in August did Sandy realize that she wasn’t alone, despite the physical distance.

“It kind of showed me that kindness that I needed to give to myself,” she said. “It reminded me what I was feeling was loneliness, and I had been blaming myself for essentially making myself lonely by isolating myself and not wanting to be a part of anything.”

Surgeon General Murthy said that it’s vital to take care to strengthen connections and relationships by such acts as answering calls from a friend and performing an act of service. “Our individual relationships are an untapped resource — a source of healing hiding in plain sight,” he wrote in Our Epidemic of Loneliness and Isolation.


Amy Spaulding keeps a mini disco ball in her office at the Pratt School of Engineering for 4 p.m. dance breaks that anyone is welcome to join. Photo courtesy of Amy Spaulding

Intentional Connections

Creating intentional connections, like the one Sandy did when she visited with her friends, is the biggest step toward lessening feelings of loneliness. Ramos, the Associate Professor in Psychiatry and Behavioral Sciences, encourages everyone to reflect to assess their environment and focus on what’s within their control to change.

“What are the elements that are really contributing to you feeling disconnected, and then what does feeling engaged and feeling like you belong mean to you?” Ramos said. “And then really think about where are you feeling the disconnect and how do you derive meaning from your work?”

Amy Spaulding was excited to start her job as a Staff Assistant for the Pratt School of Engineering in January 2023 because she missed face-to-face engagement as a freelancer. But Spaulding discovered that when students went home for the summer, she felt just as alone as she had before starting her job at Duke.

She began to look forward to her department’s “Morning Chat” from 8-8:30 a.m. Mondays through Thursdays. The online gathering organized by Grants and Contracts Manager Marquya Crawford replace coffee pot chats that occurred pre-pandemic.

“It’s been amazing,” Spaulding said. “I think I’ve met Marquya maybe five times in person in my whole life, but I feel like I know her so well.”

And this past summer, Spaulding arranged for a 4 p.m. dance break in her office where she’d put on music and dance to a mini disco ball with anyone else who wanted to join.

That’s the kind of activity that Surgeon General Murthy recommends in his report on how workplaces can help ease loneliness. Murthy suggests making social connections a priority in the workplace, along with creating a culture that allows people to connect to the whole person rather than “skill sets” to foster belonging.

The three vital components of Social Connection
Graphic courtesy of U.S. Surgeon General

“It's really about intentionality,” said Loban, the PAS counselor at Duke. “There's always going to be a reason that something else takes priority, and that's fine, that happens. But if you're wanting to deal with this feeling of loneliness, then that has to be a priority.”

Loban said she once recommended to a client who felt disconnected that he say hello to every person he passed in the hallway or encountered in the office, remember their names and generally practice acts of kindness.

After two weeks, the client reported on his progress. “I feel so connected,” he told her. “I feel like I have friends now.”


Mark Taylor, second from left, said he found support from his Duke co-workers after his husband died in 2023. Photo courtesy of Mark Taylor

Being Alone Without Feeling Lonely

Mark Taylor met his husband, Billy Hagwood, soon after he moved to back to North Carolina in 2004 and started his job at Duke. They were together for more than 18 years, with Hagwood’s outsized personality and continual reinvention making their life together interesting and full.

In December 2023, Hagwood died after a lengthy battle with heart disease. He was 56.

“It was pretty immediate afterwards that I kind of felt like, ‘Oh, wow. This is it. I'm alone,’” Taylor said.

His co-workers in the Global Education Office were supportive and connected during his time on bereavement leave, reaching out to offer condolences and encouragement.

He reflected to understand where the loneliness was coming from. Was it because he desired a romantic partner? Or because he wanted more social connection?

He realized he simply wanted to feel more connected to others through friendship and companionship, so he brainstormed ideas for how to achieve that.

Taylor began making tiny forays into crowds of friendly faces. He treated himself to a standing Wednesday dinner at Cracker Barrel near his home in Burlington. It helped to simply be among others.

“Even though I was eating by myself, I wasn't alone,” Taylor said.

He joined a hiking group. And members of two quilting guilds that Hagwood had joined began reaching out and have become dear friends. It’s a matter of finding connection through what you’re interested in, Taylor said.

“I had a wonderful, once-in-a-lifetime kind of relationship with my husband and even though he's gone, I don't feel like things were left unfinished,” Taylor said.

The Duke Event Calendar lists dozens of ways to interact with others every day, and Taylor said he has used that as a resource, as well. A Remote Work Employee Resource Group at Duke recently launched and offers avenues of connection. Sandy, the marketing and communications director in Alumni, Engagement and Development, began volunteering at the Duke Lemur Center last fall as a way to be a part of something uniquely Duke.

“I fell in love with the Lemur Center more than I anticipated,” Sandy said after a department retreat there. “It just has been so cool to be involved with different types of animals and know how that has helped me mentally and emotionally.”

The biggest key, Taylor said, is that he has learned to enjoy his own company. He can be alone without feeling lonely.

“I like the person I've become,” he said. “It's taken a long time, but in a lot of ways, I think Billy was helping me sort of prepare for that, in a way.”

Mark Taylor, left, and his husband, Billy Hagwood, were together for more than 18 years. Photo courtesy of Mark Taylor
Mark Taylor's pets – Nate, Truvy and Cassie – have played an important role in providing companionship. Photo courtesy of Mark Taylor

Send story ideas, shout-outs and photographs through our story idea form or write working@duke.edu.

Follow Working@Duke on X (Twitter)Facebook and Instagram and subscribe on YouTube.