Duke Diary Dispatch: A Perfectionist Learns to Go With the Flow

Khilan Walker considers the need for balance while also striving to accomplish his goals

A painting of a couple embracing with New York City in the background

This is the most recent diary entry from Duke's Khilan Walker, a political science major interning this summer at an organization in New York City that aids families of domestic violence victims. Read more from Khilan here.

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the culture behind being "goal-oriented" and being a "perfectionist." Both of these terms basically mean that you want to do something a certain way by any means, but for some reason "goal-oriented" has been adopted in society with a more positive connotation than "perfectionist."

 I feel like a perfectionist more than I say I am. Constantly feeling like I have so much to do before I can call myself successful. In high school, all I wanted was to get into a prestigious school. Now that I am becoming a senior at Duke, I look back and realize before I could even celebrate getting into Duke for myself, I was already off setting my goals for Duke and forcing myself to do what I had to do to achieve them. 

Sometimes this makes me feel like I am losing my mind. Sometimes I feel like losing my mind is what makes me human. With this mindset— aiming high for goals, and once they are achieved, instinctively making that goal seem so small and aiming high for something else— is it possible for me to ever feel like I made it in life? Is it even possible to be satisfied or content with life when you are constantly being told by family and yourself to set more and more goals? 

The people in Washington Square Park seem as if they just go with the flow. Whether they are skating, smoking, or just talking amongst each other, they seem as if they have discovered how to pause life and enjoy each moment. You can tell by the way they dress, wearing whatever pieces they want, no matter the style, texture, or color. You can tell by their demeanor, as they move carelessly, but also with a high sense of awareness and understanding of their surroundings. As I watch the people at the park, I marvel at how they are able to just spend time, not worrying about goals and what is next in life. Because truly, why worry about what is next? "Next" is not even promised in this life we live.

Living in NYC has been like trying to find a balance between this perfectionist mindset matched with the care-free composure of the people in the park. This reminds me a lot of the 3rd floor exhibits in the City of NY museum, where both the hustle and bustle and calm down of the city were appreciated in displays. From the subway being overpacked, to the nice isolation that parks and rooftops bring, NY's ability to both overwhelm and take care of us is displayed in this museum. 


This week as we celebrate Independence Day, I am hoping for good weather and fun times. I hope everyone has safe, eats well, and gets to spend time with those they love the most.