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News Tip: For Valentine's Day, Expert Can Discuss 'Good' Love vs. 'Bad' Love

Nancy ArmstrongProfessor of English, Duke University English Department n.b.armstrong@duke.eduhttp://english.duke.edu/people?Gurl=&Uil=10967&subpage=profileArmstrong teaches courses on 18th-21st century literature. She serves as editor of the journal Novel: A Forum on Fiction and is the author of "Desire and Domestic Fiction: A Political History of the Novel."Quote:"There's 'bad' love and 'good' love. 'Bad' love is based on possession, which like any other property is secured with a contract. 'Bad' love is addictive. You've turned your sense of self over to someone else and then have to keep going back for more. This kind of love tends to require a lot of lying.""I've never found people to be especially good at describing themselves or explaining the kind of person they would actually enjoy; this is especially true when we think we are telling the unvarnished truth. So unless you're good at reading fiction and are genuinely attracted by the ingenuity with which only a few struggle to describe themselves, forget online dating!""I think 'good' love is when someone makes you feel good about who you are or how you think -- and it's mutual. There's not much point in doing this if you think you are pretty much the same as the other person; you're both just patting yourself on the back. The pleasure comes from figuring out how different people think, because it always changes who you are. 'Good' love necessarily has an intellectual component. You can tell when you feel that you don't have to hold back what you think. When you're not just mirroring or echoing one another, it's possible to learn something new, maybe even become someone different."