Skip to main content

Holiday Blues

Stress can make the season less than jolly 

Many of us look forward to the holidays because we enjoy giving gifts, indulging in elaborate meals and spending time with our loved ones. 

For others, though, those same factors can create undue stress and cause depression. 

Linda George, a Duke professor of sociology and psychology and associate director of Duke's Center for the Study of Aging, researches the effects of stress and coping, especially as it relates to family relationships. 

Here, she explains why the season can be tough on some of us and offers advice to those struggling to enjoy the "most wonderful time of the year."

Why are people sad during what should be a happy, celebratory time?

"Mostly because they have unrealistically high expectations about the holidays. There is a common belief in American culture that the holidays, especially Christmas for Christians, should be the most wonderful time of the year. In other cases, individuals are dealing with recent losses or chronic loneliness."

Where does the pressure to make the holidays perfect come from?

"Primarily the media. If one talks to older adults (and as a gerontologist, I've talked to hundreds), their memories of Christmas during their childhoods and youth bear little resemblance to what most of us experience now. They typically received presents, but often only one, and a relatively small one. The older adults I've talked to often remember that the greatest joy of the holidays was fresh fruit, especially oranges. The media and commercialism in general has changed all that."

Any advice for parents facing financial stress during the holidays?

"Many parents simply cannot afford the number and cost of presents that their children desire. The best thing that parents can do is talk honestly and openly to them about the family's financial limitations. It's better if they start early -- at least a month before the holiday. Then involve the children in thinking of enjoyable activities in which they can participate as a family."

Is family dysfunction more pronounced during the holiday season? If so, why?

"I don't think that there is solid evidence about this issue. My educated guess is that the pre-existing dysfunctions in families are more visible and less well-tolerated during the holiday season. Because of the pressure to have a perfect holiday, pre-existing disagreements and problems can feel especially problematic."  

What factors compound the stress and how can people avoid them?

"Trying to do too much is the primary stress of the holidays. Many people would have happier holidays if they scaled back their expectations and their activities. I've known many people who told me they were relieved when the holidays were over and stated that they needed a vacation. This is not how people should feel and they probably won't if they scale back their expectations and work less hard at creating perfection."

Psychologically, how can people cope when mourning a loss over the holiday (i.e. job, divorce, death)?

"All of us will have some holidays that are more difficult than others. Loss is a part of life and the more severe the loss, the more important that the grief process proceed naturally. But this doesn't mean that one must grieve every minute or every day. People who are grieving should try to participate in family holiday traditions to the extent that they can. They should try to focus their attention on the positives in their lives -- the things for which they are and should be grateful. And very importantly, they should accept the fact that they will feel better during subsequent holidays."

What advice do you have for "orphans" -- people literally or figuratively separated from their families? How can these people begin to cultivate a new idea of family?

"Well, it's pretty tough to start building a new 'family' within a few weeks of the holidays. This is something that people who are away from their families or who have lost most of their loved ones should work on regardless of the holidays. For those who don't have the time or opportunity to develop new and important relationships, I recommend volunteering for community organizations such as a soup kitchen or nursing home. This is a wonderful way to give during the holidays, and giving actually helps our physical and mental health much more than receiving does."